This week, I stepped into The Arena, an addressless destination for creative freedom. I entered hoping to find the accountability and grit to grind towards an exceptionally praiseworthy and shareable piece of writing, but stepped away with something even better: the permission to have fun. I recently purchased the URL and website hosting for this blog, pleasantly and humbly surprised by how many of you read it. As the primary source of proof that I do actually have thoughts, posting here brings me a great deal of joy and satisfaction. It also intimidates me. Over time, I have come to expect a certain level of writing from myself -- some personal blend of apologetic pretension, mild quip, and weary but resolute optimism. (Perhaps you have come to expect something similar too.) At my best, it comes easily; I am naturally annoying and prone to oversharing, and also believe in you very much. Other times, attempting to write in this particular style of “good” feels so insurmountable that I simply opt to write nothing instead. This seems like a bad system: either continually one-up myself or stop trying altogether. It's just that I respect you so much, dear anonymous reader, and want to deliver you The Best Possible Content. But ultimately, I know that I am incapable of producing dazzling truths and hot takes endlessly. I can only offer you what I have, and sometimes it will be of middling quality. Kind person that you are, I think you will allow me this trespass, especially if I assure you that I had a nice time doing it. Here's to finding the zest and sucking the marrow, to playing, to spending a little time everyday just making something. Here are seven poems, one for each day of the week. crows though my main responsibility is trying to keep the magic alive, i sometimes have a spare moment to practice a duet i wake up at dawn to scream about unfairness the crows scream right back at me napa house new renditions of the breadcrumb trail: my half-drank cups of water, your fallen curls forming perfect circles and getting stuck to the side of the tub. the free full-length mirror wedged diagonally between the two front seats of my too-tiny car like the slash mark in a percentage sign, our bodies partitioned like the dots on either side the misassembled bed frame you left behind, my nicest glassware on a one-way trip across the bay bridge. by the stairwell, a black scuff in memoriam of the whole last year. my most reckless show of optimism, paying for half of a mattress i will never sleep on. confessional approaches to greeting i didn’t want to come Truthfully i’d much rather be at home watching Legendary Vines 2018 (Part 1) **ULTIMATE** TBT VINE COMPILATION but since i am here hello nice to meet you walking in the schoolyard during kagoshima october my big clobbering steps rouse the grasshoppers. they spring away like released rubber bands, like the whole field is theirs to romp on through. christmas, 2021 a man smoking a cigarette in a santa claus suit hands me a cookie which i find at the bottom of my bag one week later and split with two other men neither of whom are interested in me, neither of whom are capable of it. as i chew i wonder why i am so fascinated with being irresolvable so obsessed with turning my grief over like a smooth rock in my palm. sun wish i want the sun to shine on every part of me - my flat nose and square fingertips and the cavity in my midsection where i store small daydreams. To answer your question,
I have been thinking about life one million years from now and how everything is so perfect it hurts. When the weather is nice, I purchase an ice cream cone and try to guess what patch of sun will teach me peace best. Or else when the weather is bad, I make soup from powder and consider my mistakes. Do you mind waiting here while I find less painful ways to say I love you? Here’s what I have so far: Of all the days I’ve spent searching for new shades of green and proof of my loveliness, my favorite was the one where we did nothing much at all.
2 Comments
mish
10/10/2022 07:19:06 pm
hey britney!
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brit
10/11/2022 06:40:44 am
mish <3 it's hard to express how much your comments mean to me without getting corny!!! but know that i am very grateful for your nice words and enthusiasm for the site! and for your little snippet of poetry -- "all we can do is embrace the brevity of being human" i agree!!!
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